Tonight was the last night that my neighbor of 17 years would be living next door to me. it was the last movie night, and the last of the memories that we would have together. Seeing the boxes packed, garage cleaned, and empty backyard where we once played and swam as kids was strange. I can still visualize the playground that once stood, which was replaced by a swimming pool, and the made up games that always led to a stupid fight. So saying goodbye draws from a deeper connection to this life that we know, a comfort zone and a part of who we are and were.
When leaving her house tonight, for the last time, I stood at the end of the driveway, examining all of the growth, and change of my street. The halloween hayrides from the people in the caul-de-sac, bus ride, Mario Kart tournaments or morning runs to the coffee shop before we went to our schools. And I realized that as much as I would love to live it all over again, and just ask for one more day that it will never be this way again. I will never be the person I was, I will however be the person who is, and will be. Little parts of my present and future sculpted by the people who have been in my life, guiding me like a light when I was lost along this confusing journey.
For such a long time you get used to going over somewhere after a bad day at school, knowing that even though you did not have a friend where you went for eight hours of your day, you at least had your neighbor. Through thick and thin, and everything else.
Now, sitting here, writing this and thinking back to the first time you met someone, it is the one thing you never forget. This is why I think goodbyes generally just suck. Because a part of you is also leaving wherever your friend goes or wherever you go. For me, this goodbye is for my childhood, high school, and now college. It’s the bittersweet ending to a life you knew and to the person who knows about those parts that no one else saw and stuck by your side without judgement.
Personally, for me, this summer had been filled with too many changes. Graduating college, and my friends going in their own direction, ending a huge part of my life which was schooling, and now my neighbor moving. I understand that we have to do these things, and that we will grow from them, but I wish growing did not have to hurt so bad. My life is changing too, i’m moving myself, and from home. It’s just weird, and that is really the only way I can describe it.
I see a ton of quotes online about how goodbyes are just doors for new hellos, but sometimes you don’t want that goodbye to be the last one. You don’t want a goodbye at all. Can’t we just have new hellos, and no goodbyes? Or is this something just comes with the territory of being in your twenty somethings? Does it ever stop changing all the time?