WRITE YOUR LIFE AWAY

22. college graduate. i promote bands.

Goodbyes Are Never Easy

Tonight was the last night that my neighbor of 17 years would be living next door to me. it was the last movie night, and the last of the memories that we would have together. Seeing the boxes packed, garage cleaned, and empty backyard where we once played and swam as kids was strange. I can still visualize the playground that once stood, which was replaced by a swimming pool, and the made up games that always led to a stupid fight. So saying goodbye draws from a deeper connection to this life that we know, a comfort zone and a part of who we are and were.

When leaving her house tonight, for the last time, I stood at the end of the driveway, examining all of the growth, and change of my street. The halloween hayrides from the people in the caul-de-sac, bus ride, Mario Kart tournaments or morning runs to the coffee shop before we went to our schools. And I realized that as much as I would love to live it all over again, and just ask for one more day that it will never be this way again. I will never be the person I was, I will however be the person who is, and will be. Little parts of my present and future sculpted by the people who have been in my life, guiding me like a light when I was lost along this confusing journey.

For such a long time you get used to going over somewhere after a bad day at school, knowing that even though you did not have a friend where you went for eight hours of your day, you at least had your neighbor. Through thick and thin, and everything else. 

Now, sitting here, writing this and thinking back to the first time you met someone, it is the one thing you never forget. This is why I think goodbyes generally just suck. Because a part of you is also leaving wherever your friend goes or wherever you go. For me, this goodbye is for my childhood,  high school, and now college. It’s the bittersweet ending to a life you knew and to the person who knows about those parts that no one else saw and stuck by your side without judgement. 

Personally, for me, this summer had been filled with too many changes. Graduating college, and my friends going in their own direction, ending a huge part of my life which was schooling, and now my neighbor moving. I understand that we have to do these things, and that we will grow from them, but I wish growing did not have to hurt so bad. My life is changing too, i’m moving myself, and from home. It’s just weird, and that is really the only way I can describe it.

I see a ton of quotes online about how goodbyes are just doors for new hellos, but sometimes you don’t want that goodbye to be the last one. You don’t want a goodbye at all. Can’t we just have new hellos, and no goodbyes? Or is this something just comes with the territory of being in your twenty somethings? Does it ever stop changing all the time?

College Essentials. CHEGG

I am writing this because I see so many ads that say college essentials, when in reality they aren’t college essentials they are only essential for the chain stores to make profit off of college freshman who do not know any better. So, because of this, I am going to write down my opinion.

What you don’t need:

Those giant lights that takes up a large portion of your room, the ones that look like large desk lamps with all of the different lights sticking out on wires. First they get really hot if you keep them on for too long, especially since they aren’t high quality in the first place. Just avoid it, you won’t be in your room to study because the library actually will become your favorite place, so skip those.

Microwaves. Aside from convenience of not leaving your dorm room, you really don’t need one. Most dorm buildings now already provide them in the kitchens or common areas. Just check on it before you buy one. You will save yourself some space and money.

Text books right away. Before you go crazy and spend nearly $600 at the college book store, make sure you will even need the text books in the first place. The majority of the time, the school requires a book, so the professors add them to the syllabus. In reality, they have power points and their notes which they base their exams from. The only time I suggest buying a book is if it is for a class you will need it, like accounting, finance, or economics. It becomes really handy then. On top of that though, don’t buy anything from the book store. Use Chegg. Don’t even bother with Amazon, unless you sign up for a student prime deal for six months free. Even then, use that when you get into your junior or senior levels. You won’t need it for your core classes, since the majority of those books are a waste. 

What you need:

Mini fridge. Trust me on this.

A big Keurig, skip the mini one. Go for the big one because you can put your travel mugs under it. You’ll save money that way. Also, you can buy a My K Cup, and save on plastic from the normal K Cups, and you can use your own coffee and save money that way. 

Netflix is fine and dandy, but save it for a college break. It becomes more of a distraction then you know. Just one more becomes 10 more and then you are buried in that term paper which is due in an hour.

To have fun. Work hard, but set goals. Study all day on Saturdays, until night, and then go out and party. It’ll keep you focused and productive if you put in a reward for yourself.

Yes, we flooded the hot tub.

Yes, we flooded the hot tub.

Yeah, I splurged a little. #Ferrari

Yeah, I splurged a little. #Ferrari

Just a spoon please and thank you. #nutellamylove

Just a spoon please and thank you. #nutellamylove

The cover for my book The Show Goes On. At Winston Carlyle University there is nothing that is more coveted than a good secret. However with the new renovations of the small college town, new school president and mounting conflict with politics of the Magnolia Heights against the school’s students leaves everyone in question when Ashley Hill disappears into the night sky. The tragedy leads to suspects but the plot thickens when fingers are pointed and the mystery surrounding her disappearance is not answered. 

She isn’t the only one missing, as more deaths occur due to drugs students take to keep their high grades.

While Nate Klein captain of the soccer team struggles with the loss of his girlfriend, there is a new face interrupting the status quo of WCU. Alex Preston. An aspiring musician with big dreams who finds himself clouded to achieve them through his lack of confidence. His addiction to fit in while standing out and pressure to join two school group to keep his scholarship leads him to an unsavory group of friends who hold nothing but false hopes and know exactly how to play people to get what they want.

Through the pain, the hardships and the struggles, these characters learn that their show must go on.

The cover for my book The Show Goes On. At Winston Carlyle University there is nothing that is more coveted than a good secret. However with the new renovations of the small college town, new school president and mounting conflict with politics of the Magnolia Heights against the school’s students leaves everyone in question when Ashley Hill disappears into the night sky. The tragedy leads to suspects but the plot thickens when fingers are pointed and the mystery surrounding her disappearance is not answered.

She isn’t the only one missing, as more deaths occur due to drugs students take to keep their high grades.

While Nate Klein captain of the soccer team struggles with the loss of his girlfriend, there is a new face interrupting the status quo of WCU. Alex Preston. An aspiring musician with big dreams who finds himself clouded to achieve them through his lack of confidence. His addiction to fit in while standing out and pressure to join two school group to keep his scholarship leads him to an unsavory group of friends who hold nothing but false hopes and know exactly how to play people to get what they want.

Through the pain, the hardships and the struggles, these characters learn that their show must go on.

What’s next? You should totally do that now.

Welcome to the post college graduate world. It’s a mystical place that is anything but decided. It’s probably one reason why graduation parties for college are avoided. When you graduated high school, you knew what you were doing next, you were going to college. When you graduate college, you simply hope that last semester of senior year that an interview went the right way and that you won’t wince, shake your coffee cup, or repeatedly lock and unlock your iPhone with the question of “What’s next?” 

So here you, sitting here, eagerly awaiting the answer to the question that was just asked. You hope that this is some sort of test and that they hold some magical book in their hands with something as black and white as what you are actually doing next. Chances are you’ll come up with something, even something that is not true and scoot away before explaining further because you are just so busy with making it home to watch Montel Williams and your now other favorite daytime talk shows. Judge Judy anyone?

When you finally have an answer, or if you do in fact know that you are moving and you explain your plans, the next response will be, “Oh that’s great, if you are going to do it, do it now.” They’ll say it with such confidence and a determined look in their eyes like they came up with that phrase or some new philosophy on life that very second. You’ll probably want to respond, “Of course I’m going to do it now. I was not giving you a timeline for the year 2050.” So, smile, shake your head, and acknowledge their new profound state of wiseness. 

Of course, the Do it now comment just says to you, “after 24 you need to get married and settle down with two kids, a dog, position on the PTA, and a house with a white picket fence. That your ambitions of seeing the country or going on tour with some rock band all need to come to an end.” If you are anything like me and a big dreamer, then I’ll send over some of my insight. You don’t need to give anything up. Stop focusing on what society expects, and focus on what you want. You have one life so don’t let the world dictate it.

@joanjett rocking hard. Freaking awesome.

@joanjett rocking hard. Freaking awesome.

Thanks to these two for supporting me through thick and thin these last 16 years of school.

Thanks to these two for supporting me through thick and thin these last 16 years of school.

Another one for the books. With hope, katelyn, and Greg.

Another one for the books. With hope, katelyn, and Greg.